10 signs you lack (or have) self-confidence in the music industry
¨Everybody in the entertainment industry is insecure. We have been tap-dancing our entire lives for your approval¨ (Sia in The Guardian)
Bey at Coachella: Strong. Powerful. Confident. Other artists as talented, successful or adulated as her may, on the other hand, be deeply insecure. Why? Because confidence has nothing to do with external achievements or praise. True confidence can only come from the inside and the good news is that it’s a skill that everyone can learn. It’s not to be mistaken for arrogance though: the cocky show offs that boast about their success or lack respect towards others are usually, you’ve guessed it, deeply insecure.
It’s easy to feel constant anxiety in a competitive and unstable industry such as music. What if I lose my job or artist to someone younger or more powerful? What if my track gets bad reviews and people don’t love me anymore? What if I totally fuck up this important gig or meeting? What if I say the wrong thing on social media and get swept up in an almighty shitstorm?
Pretty much everyone can feel insecure at times, and this affects everything; from your career success and personal relationships, to how good you feel about yourself. No one likes to admit lacking confidence, but if you don’t recognise the issue, you can’t fix it.
Here are 10 signs to help you determine if you lack, or have, confidence.
1- You compare yourself to others on social media
You can’t help but check what others are upto on Insta or Facebook and inevitably fall into the dreaded comparison trap. You probably end up feeling like shit because a peer has more followers than you, more famous friends than you, or a seemingly more glamorous life than you do. When you’re confident, you’re simply not tempted to compare yourself, for better or worse, to others: you live your life, and rejoice in other people’s success and happiness.
2 - You find it hard to own your qualities or achievements, or accept compliments
It’s difficult for you to recognise your talents, qualities, strengths and achievements. You don’t spend time to reflect on those things or feel proud of them - and the thought of talking about it out loud to others makes you cringe! Confident people like Kanye own their shit: the bad AND the good.
3 - You care too much about what others think
You second-guess everything you do because you worry about what others think. You obsess about Insta comments (even when you have 3585 of them to go through each and every day). You take criticism to heart, whether it comes from your peers or online trolls. When you’re confident you follow your own vision, you don’t dismiss other people’s feelings but you understand that their opinions have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them.
4- You focus on your weaknesses or past mistakes
Your default mode is to focus on the negative: what you suck at, what you messed up, what you don’t like about yourself. Confident people accept their weaknesses, know that blunders are unavoidable, learn from them and move on. Like Daft Punk, they know they’re human, after all.
5- You strive to keep up with the Joneses
You obsessively check what other artists, agents, managers or label execs are doing. Who did they sign? Which billing did they get? What’s their position in the charts? How much money do they make? You feel that you’re all fighting for the same piece of the pie. Not buying into the scarcity mentality and creating your own definition of success is a sign of confidence.
Discover 10 ways to boost your confidence
6- You’re getting your confidence fix from the naughty stuff
You use drugs or alcohol as a crutch against feelings of insecurity, social or performance anxiety. We’ve all done that to some level, and because naughtiness is expected in the business, it’s easy to think you’re doing the cheeky line or shot because you want to, rather than because you need to feel less self-conscious. This (false) sense of confidence never lasts though - there’s no quick fix for becoming truly confident.
7 - You’re always looking for external validation
You derive your sense of self-worth from the likes you get on social media, your accomplishments or the praise you get from your boss/clients/fans. You need others to approve of who you are and what you do. When you increase your confidence you’ll know that the most important thing is that you approve of yourself first. You trust your own decisions and don’t need digital thumbs ups to know you’re doing good.
8 - You people-please or avoid conflict at all cost
You have poor boundaries: you say yes when you want to say no, you allow others to treat you in ways that don’t feel good and you avoid difficult conversations. Confident people aren’t afraid of letting their inner M.I.A. out: they know how to say no, they stand up for themselves and don’t repress difficult feelings for fear of rocking the boat.
9 - Your body language says it all
You slouch, avoid eye contact or adopt a defensive posture (arms folded and so on). Confident people stand tall and proud and have an open posture: think Mick Jagger prancing gleefully around on stage.
10- You tend to be self-critical and hard on yourself
You have high standards and never seem to be satisfied with your results or performances. You believe that being hard on yourself is how you’ll progress. Confident people are self-accepting, can handle failure and feel excitement rather than anxiety as they (healthily) strive towards bigger things
When you increase your self-confidence, you’ll get out of your comfort zone and pursue bigger opportunities instead of being blocked by fears or doubts; you’ll free yourself from comparison; you’ll be able to say no to shit you don’t wanna do…
oh, and did I mention that confidence is SEXY?
Becoming self-confident doesn’t happen through sheer will though!
If you’re ready to seriously skyrocket your level of self-confidence and unleash your inner Bey, do yourself a favour and get some coaching sessions. right. now.
If you’re not ready to coach just yet, but would loooove some specific, practical tips covering each one of the points mentioned above, I’ve got you covered! Download my free resource and get an empowering boost in your confidence levels:
#LoveToLoveYourselfBaby